The flight attendant just announced “If you don’t like any of my jokes, there are six exits” and told us where the emergency exits are it was actually the best
"for those of you who are traveling with children… WHY"
"if you’re changing to a flight with a different airline, we don’t care."
he said “okay now get out” once we landed i’m pissing myself
If you ever think how white people act in horror movies is just a stereotype remember that my grandma used to work in an insane asylum and for fun during her downtime on the night shift she would wander around the abandoned tunnels under the asylum where 8 people had died
what the fuck your grandma is metal as fuck
i thought LGBT was a sandwich
Lettuce, Glitter, Bacon, Tomato?
on a scale of fake pockets to nachos how good is your idea
"What does the chef recommend?"
"Sir, this is a mcdonalds"
Person A of your OTP lends their sweater to Person B. When Person A is home, they realize they still have Person B’s sweater and finds Person B’s iPod. Out of curiosity, Person A looks through Person B’s music and finds a playlist titled with Person A’s name.